How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
