I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
