I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
