all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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