Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
