I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
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listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
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Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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