I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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