sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
