Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm too high and old for this...
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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