I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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