so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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