Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
there's paper in my vomit.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
