I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
either way he was missing a nipple.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
