i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
