i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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