Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
