your thong is hanging out like whoa
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
My penis needs a shock collar
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
