Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
