Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
