cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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