i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
