I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
