Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
