"it" just moved
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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