So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
