You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
