I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Also, beer. Big fan.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
