I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
