Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He passed out mid-signature
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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