come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize