I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
