I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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