I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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