omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
