would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
