And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
