So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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