i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
