Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
