i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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