remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
