whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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