chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
