I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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