I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
