Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
