Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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