I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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