What a fucking waste of an outfit
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
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Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
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he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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