ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
