Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
