Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
my being single is dangerous.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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