I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
My nipple is on Facebook.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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