I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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