So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
