hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
