just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
