I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
