Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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