I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
