Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Do vagina's smell?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
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Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
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Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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