We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
