Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
