a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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