Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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