Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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