do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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