Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
