Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
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