direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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