Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
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I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
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You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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