I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
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RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
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Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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